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topcatloveee007 posted a comment on Thursday 21st August 2008 1:04pm for Nothing Hidden

i liked the way you incorporated scenes from CoS, GoF, and OotP. this was very "harry" thing for him to do, having to show her these memories. i was not expecting it and it fit perfectly. i really do hope though that Ron and Hermione will make up soon,i know they are just being themselves but i just hate it when they argue sometimes. thanks for a great chapter, can't wait to read the next.

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Saturday 16th August 2008 2:17am for Nothing Hidden

Good chapter.

gunny

Anthony May posted a comment on Saturday 9th August 2008 3:50pm for Nothing Hidden

Finally, a continuation after DH! I am enjoying this story immensely and hope you update soon. PLEASE end the stress and tension between Ron and Hermione. Ron has grown up quite a bit since the final battle and I don't believe he would still be so thick concerning her. Thanks for a great read - hurry up and update!

Carol Layland posted a comment on Friday 8th August 2008 5:34am for Nothing Hidden

Hi, I enjoy every bit of writing that you do. I am well familiar with the various wording that is quoted here and I really noted that your interstiched wording was seamless and thus very well done. As a retired English teacher I especially appreciated a job of this type when it is well done and you have done it most professionally. A truly beaut-iful joy of this type of writing. I do believe that you are one of my favorite authors.

Mr.Intel replied:

You don't know how much this review means to me.  I'm very grateful that you took the time to let me know how you liked my little story.

Thanks!

--M

Patches posted a comment on Friday 8th August 2008 3:35am for Nothing Hidden

This is an excellent chapter. I really like the way you intergrated cannon into your story to make a more complete picture. I am not surprised that Ginny is impressed by Harry's actions and is not going to stop loving him because of his past. I look forward to more of this story. pms

Mr.Intel replied:

Thank you so much, Patches!

bookaholic_au posted a comment on Wednesday 6th August 2008 7:17pm for Nothing Hidden

I must admit, I was a little disappointed in this chapter. While the first two scenes were vital events, they do not contain the sort of things that Harry might need to show Ginny before their marriage. In my opinion they dampened the effect of the final scene, which should have been the most dramatic. Although they created plenty of opportunity for Ginny to awe and ah over Harry, they do not say anything meaningful about either of the characters or their relationship.

I suppose that the only reason I'm being so critical is because this is such a departure from your ordinary excellence.

Mr.Intel replied:

I'm okay with your criticism and welcome it with open arms.  In writing this story, I am balancing several plots together and having some be the focus while others are slowly heating up.  The trick (which I haven't learned successfully yet) is to have that process appear seamless.  The scenes that Harry is showing Ginny are necessary for the plot(s) to unfold.  Ginny, Harry, and the reader need to have these "canon refreshes" in order for future scenes to make sense.

Thanks for reading.

brad posted a comment on Wednesday 6th August 2008 11:51am for Nothing Hidden

Are you sure you're pro-OBHWF? Because this Ron:

> Ron stood. “Because I need you.”

Is *my* Ron. The selfish Ron who got Hermione handed to him on a platter. Because, for whatever reason - Rowling wanted it that way - Hermione had apparently decided to wait years for him until he grew up, and Harry conveniently stepped out of the way with his 'like a sister'. No complications for Ron, until now; Hermione's stopped waiting for him?

> "I can’t speak Parseltongue," he said to Ginny. "When Voldemort killed me, he killed the bit he left inside me and now I can’t speak Parseltongue!"

Good one. But you didn't go far enough:

---

Now that Harry thought about it, he'd lost more than just his parseltongue ability.

"Oh my gosh," he said to Ginny. "My chest monster - the part of me that was attracted to you - it's gone too! No wonder I felt that it was like a separate part of me ... it *was*! It was the fragment of Voldemort's soul within me which was attracted to you, Ginny! And now I'm free of it! Free of you! The wedding's off! Now, where's Hermione?"

----

Please feel free to use this snippet in your story, as a logical extension of your having Harry lose *all* the traits given to him by the Harry!Horcrux soul fragment. Be fair now! He loses the parseltongue, he loses the chest monster too! No crediting issues with using the above, I'm happy to help.

:-)

I don't know what the point was of Harry showing Ginny the first two memories since they showed him in quite a good light, rescuing her and all. It was only the third memory which showed his 'dark' side and would make him nervous about her continued good will towards him. Oh, Ginny, wait until you see what DH!Harry was like, casting more unforgivables with abandon! "If you weren’t good, you wouldn’t have had trouble cursing that woman" -- but he had NO troubles using the unforgivables in DH, Ginny! Using the Cruciatius for the most trivial of reasons! Wow, the wedding may indeed be called off!?

Mr.Intel replied:

I love every bit of this review.  Sadly, I won't kill the chest monster (though it doesn't ever make an appearance in my story) and the wedding won't be called off (because it's critical to the plot). 

Ron was portrayed very selfishly by Rowling as evidenced by his lustful wanderings with Lavender while Hermione pined away for him.  My Hermione, however, is done with school and is off on her own adventure for once.  No more is she cloistered under the burden of Harry-helping.  The Ministry needs saving and she's off to the rescue!

The first memory was to have Ginny know exactly what kind of shining armor her prince wore.  He was a bumbling (literally!) twelve year old that was brave-bordering-on-stupid that got lucky with that sword thing.  The second memory was so that Ginny could know that Harry understood what the Cruciatus curse felt like, prior to him casting it at Bella.  As for the DH memories, I had intended to add those to this chapter, but the pensieve-dipping felt too long as it was.  Perhaps in the next one, though.

riegert8 posted a comment on Wednesday 6th August 2008 7:02am for Nothing Hidden

Interesting chapter